I’ve written this blog in my mind about 18 times. At least once a week for the past 4 1/2 months. And each of those 18 blog entries were completely different because my life and my emotions were different on the day that I dictated them in my mind. I’m finally putting my thoughts into words and I hope I do them justice.
So in love with my husband.
And the happiest I’ve ever been.
Jason and I are having our first baby in January 2012. When I first found out I was pregnant I was dying to share our news. But the practical side of me kept our secret (for the most part) until after our first ultrasound where we heard our baby’s heartbeat. That sweet beautiful heartbeat. 179 beats per minute belonged to the most loved baby in the world and was growing inside of me at 10 weeks.
We had a gender ultrasound at 16 weeks because, well, I REALLY wanted to know the sex. I’ve never claimed to be a patient person and this was no different. I had been trying for weeks to get Jason to guess the sex of the baby for weeks and he just refused to make a guess. As we sat in the waiting room before our ultrasound, I whispered “I really think it’s a girl but puh-lease don’t tell anyone if I’m wrong.” No one expects mothers to have accurate gender intuition but I just didn’t want anyone to know if I was wrong about the baby that was…ya know…GROWING INSIDE OF ME. Regardless, I was confident in my “feeling”. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I had dreams that it was a girl all except for once. They were all dreams about being a new parent. Things like bringing the baby home from the hospital and realizing that we didn’t have anything we needed to care for a newborn, breastfeeding and anything else that new parents can have anxiety about. The focus of the dreams wasn’t the sex of the baby but I always woke up remembering the sex and only one dream had a baby boy in it. Then I had a dream about a week or two before the ultrasound that solidified my hunch. I dreamt that I was holding a baby that was a couple months old. It was swaddled in a blanket and all I could see was it’s head. It was sleeping. And for the whole dream I was just staring at this baby in awe and just could NOT get over how it…she…looked exactly like me when I was a baby. The shape of her face, her nose, her lips, her chin. It was like I was holding myself as a baby. But the one thing that was different from how I looked as a child was that this baby had Jason’s hair color. That color where it’s not red but it’s not brown and you can’t really figure out what color it is. That was her hair color. I loved that dream and I wish I could repeat it every night. But seeing that baby in my dream was nothing compared to seeing our baby in our ultrasound. It had grown so much and now had obvious fingers, toes, lips, eyes and ears. And it was a she.
Click here to the see the first of my posts documenting the pregnancy and check back weekly to see belly updates. I back dated the first post of the series to put it in the proper week of my pregnancy…for those wondering why I am blogging in the past. :)